There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
