Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize