I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
