Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
