So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
