pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
