i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
