I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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