why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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