Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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