aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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