I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
