strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
