I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
