Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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