I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
