I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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