dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
