I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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