dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
