The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize