If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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