i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize