That's when you crack a 10am beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
