I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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