he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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