My room smells like vodka and shame
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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