Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
