how can u be prego again
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
