he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
