i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I puked a lego.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
