He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
