well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Congratulations! We have a period
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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