hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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