Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
