I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My balls are so social today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
