You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pants are for mortals
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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