We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
