No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
