We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
