My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
