1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
