I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
