I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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