Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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