I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
