question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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