I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
