you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
