Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize