yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just invented taco cereal.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
