Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
