i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
