): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
