Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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