Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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