Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
