I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
