Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Say something about gay babies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
