They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
