i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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