i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
