does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
