OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
