chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
