every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
