My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
