my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
