I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
