btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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