my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
