I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
