just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize