why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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