Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
