chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
