Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
