We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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