is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
