How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
