i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
