btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
