its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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