Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
