I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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