Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize