you guys were way drunker than both of me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm getting married
To pizza
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
