at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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