Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
