Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
