all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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