I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
