upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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