It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
