I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
