is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
